first post
Hello, I am new at this so bear with me. I did have a blog a few years ago but it was not one that was shared, it was a personal diary with only a few entries. This is my first public one. This seems to be the thing to do now, so I figured I'd join all the other bloggers out there.
Went to the dentist today. Got X-rays. Dental assistant asked, "pregnant?" Of course not. At Weight Watchers (WW) the other day, the leader asked, how many people have kids. Did I raise my hand? Of course not. D got a call today that his hairdresser, who gets pregnant by looking at a guy, had her baby (#3 or 4 I believe and she is my age) and so and so would be cutting his hair next week. This is all around me. I wonder if it has always been and I never noticed before or if it really is more around me now than ever before. I just wonder when it will be my turn. I am fine with waiting as long as I know that my turn is coming but there are no guarantees. I could wait forever and it could not happen. It is just all very frustrating and discouraging.
Also at the dentist today, he was telling me that his birthday was next week and that he was going to be ancient.........34, my age. That made me feel really good (NOT!!) especially knowing that he has a little baby girl at home and my "cradle" is empty. I will be 35 in November and very scared that I will be turning 35 no better off than I was when I was 31 or 32 or 33, still no pregnancy and no babies. We will be starting IVF #3, the last and final IVF, when the ol' hag comes. I am hoping the most that a person can possibly hope that this will work. Not only for me but for D too. Without hope what have you got?
posted by ilyse @ 9:48 PM
5 Comments:
Hope is a dangerous carrot to dangle.
The hardest, yet best thing to do? LET GO of expectations.
We WANT to expect the best to happen, but it is in letting go of them that we kind of get to that zen place, when goodness and light can come in. Am I saying to 'relax?" HELL NO@! :)
But do try to let go of expectations.
SUCH love and luck I wish for you, dear one.
xo,
S
S- Thanks for the advice, it is well take. I have no expectations anymore, only hope. It is the only way for me to try to remain positive about things.
You are such a beautiful peroson, and it pains me to see you going through this struggle. So many people - friends and relatives - want to be supportive and have the best of intentions, but they can't possibly understand the daily struggle we go through in what seems to be a neverending nightmare. You've put into words some of the obstacles and fears we experience every day. If your posts can help others to better understand what we go through, you'll be doing a greater service than you may have first realized when you started this site.
I say hold on to hope - you're right, it is the one thing that keeps us going from day to day when we've already faced so many heartaches and disappointments.
Hoping is good, really. There's something to be said to the power of positive thinking. But, Shelli does have a point-we all have idealistic expectations when it comes to infertility. That's not to say to give up hope, because if you have no hope you can't get through all this. But, it also helps being realistic as well-it sort of sets up a buffer against your emotions, so to speak. But, I do say that I hope and pray every day that you will reach your dream, because you and D so deserve it.
It seems that on our original board everyone had a pregnancy "buddy" on the board-ie. two (or several) people who've been up the pole at the same time. Hopefully, since we're the last two left, that means we'll buddy up.....they've saved the best for last, in my opinion ;)...
Have you decided to stay with your RE, or will you move on?
Kisses to you, dear Ilyse....and I'll add you to my blogroll-go on witch'ya bad self!
Thanks S!! You are too kind. You and Sean are always in my prayers too. And I agree, they saved the best for last!!! :) I would love it if we were pregnant together. We have actually decided to stay with our RE. He is pretty much letting me write my own ticket (within reason) and D really wanted to stay there and the new place really didn't seem much better to us. What's happening with you?? I have added you to my blog links as well. Kisses right back at ya. ;)
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