why

Why is everything I do wrong? No matter what I do, he has a problem with it. Mostly it is about money. Yes, I know we don't have alot of it but it is called living and taking care of twins. And getting ready for the holiday season. We are not even buying for the adults, they are getting lotto tickets. And I did a $15 limit for each kid. And we have a few birthdays, all on his side, this time of year. I went out shopping last night, got some stuff for the house, CLOTHES FOR HIM, a few things for the kids(diapers, pjs, etc) and me (I had a gift card for my stuff), and some gifts. And I got told today that I spend too much money.(I did spend alot last night BUT I got alot for my money since there were great sales and I hadn't shopped like that in a long time so we really needed alot) Well how will things happen if I just wait for him to sit there and ignore everything that has to get done. If I did that, the kids would be in high school trying to fit into their size 18 month clothes they are getting now. Also keep in mind, we have minimal decorations up, because #1 it is all I had time to, #2 I'M JEWISH and my menorah is up and #3 he didn't do them, never did, never does. I usually do it for him, well this year it is for the babies. Nothing ever got said about any of it. Just like Hanukkah came and went with nothing said by him. And while I don't get criticized for thing involving the twins, I don't get reassured either. I just needs some reassurance and approval for what I do, just so I can know that I am doing ok and to keep doing what I am doing. Like I said in my last post, it is not like I had the greatest role model to know how to be a wife and a mother and in my mom's defense during my impressionable years(ages 14-16), my mom went through the hardest time of her life, my dad died and then she watched her mom deteriorate to finally die of cancer two years later. So it's not like she was in a great position to raise two teenage daughters. I think especially with all of that happening and that I have no clue what I am doing most of the time, I do ok, I could be alot worse. Anyway, I guess knowing that the kids are growing, and happy and loved will have to be my reassurance. I am so sorry to be so negative all the time. It is just really hard to be happy living in a house with a husband like mine, like I do. I am happy when I am with my babies (but I am not blogging then). When I am alone and doing things or trying to relax for a minute here or there, is when I am sad and lonely. I want a family, I need some fun. I have the babies that are definitely lots of fun, I think I can be fun, why doesn't he see that? Why is everything a problem and a big deal? Why is he such a grouch? Is it my fault? Did I make him that way?