don't even get me started....
First off, I want to say thanks for all the support as always but especially on my last few posts based on my current situation.
So two nights ago, I came down from my shower and HE WAS ON THE COUCH WATCHING TV!!! He saw my face and asked me what was wrong. Duh!! Those minutes he was watching tv, could have been spent with the babies during the day!!!
And today he is off and of course "working" all day. She is getting very difficult to feed. Lunch today was the worst meal yet. She does not want to sit in her high chair and sits there and cries. So I had to put her in her exersaucer to get her to eat. I didn't want to do that but I had no choice. So he comes in with lunch in his hand to see what is going on. Doesn't put the lunch down and come help, he just says whatever not important thing he said and went on about his business. I wanted to cry and just give up right there. This morning I got so pissed at him at one point, and my hands are killing me, so I said, I am going up to take a nap for 15 minutes. So figures that is when his mom calls, and he is like oh she went to take a nap, I'm with the babies. So now he looks like he is golden (they have no idea what is going on here) and I come down and he is on my laptop that is on the table and they are in the pack n play playing. I am like you got to be kidding me. I know I don't have to explain this to you guys. And he was like what, I just put them in there I was playing with them. Hello, it was only 15 minutes!!! When I put them in there or the exersaucer or the jumperoo, or whatever, unless I am cleaning up from them, I am right there next to them on the floor playing!!
And this takes the cake and he doesn't get why I am mad. He thinks I am wrong. Maybe I am but with everything all built up, I don't think so. I joined an in-real-life mothers of twins club. Last month when I wanted to go to the meeting that I had planned on going to for the first time, he had gotten a spur of the moment job interview after work. So I was like ok, no problem, we have no one to come over to watch them until you get home, so of course I will miss the meeting. So I had planned since then to go to the one tomorrow night. And he was suppose to have a second interview somewhere else tonight and they called today to see if he could change it until tomorrow. And he refused to ask them if they could do it Wednesday. He said well what if they get someone else who can go tomorrow and hire that guy. I said what if he was a single parent and had no childcare, he'd have to ask for that. If he said he had an appointment can they do it the next day, I'm sure they'd understand. He felt bad but obviously not bad enough. I also have something happening this Sunday, just worked out that it is in the same week (I really don't get to get out and socialize this much) and I told him I am going no matter what.
I am just so hurt, angry, confused, upset, heartbroken, sad, etc.
***edited to say: I always thought he resented me because I got to stay home and take care of the babies. But now I think he resents me because I think he thinks I don't work. He would never get it unless I was gone for like a month or something. Because even if he watched the babies for a week, nothing else I do would get done. Like phone calls(dr appts, presciptions,etc), paying bills, laundry, cleaning somewhat, etc. Men!!!*****
*****sorry edited again to add: I just got a lecture on how I am not affectionate and how I don't act like I love him either. Hello?!?!?!?!? Why would I be when he acts the way he does? I told him what I wanted him to do and that he should save himself the trouble of being affectionate right now, and of course he ran back into his office and closed the door as usual.*****
posted by ilyse @ 1:16 PM
3 Comments:
Once again, I can relate. The only advice I have is: do you trust him with the kids for a whole day?? If so, then go out to your function and stay out longer than you told him. Go to the mall, to the park, visit someone. But stay out a few hours later. You need some alone time by yourself. That's one thing men don't understand. They think because we stay home that we don't do anything. Even if you did nothing but take care of the children all day that is A LOT! Taking care of two kids is hard - especially when they are so young. And your basically doing it by yourself. Maybe it'll take that for him to finally see what you do all day. Lots of hugs going your way.
I TOTALLY agree with Amy - get yourself out and then take much, MUCH long to get back. Give him several hours to fend for himself, not 15 minutes because 15 minutes is just NOT going to cut it.
Sometimes, if I am not in the mood to be affectionate for a few days in a row because I am pissed and DH asks me why, I say to him, "Well, if you have time for THIS, then you have time for THAT - and, since you are choosing not to do THAT and it falls on to me, then that makes me too tired to be affectionate." And I END the conversation - I do not let him do it (drama effect). Once I do that, he gets the picture and will wise up (at least for a while...).
I'm gonna triple that! Get out let him have them both for awhile. Hours! It's good for you, good for him and good for them. Even if he does rely on the pack and play a lot at first. You both will parent differently it can't be the same, it never will be. It's so hard to walk away. We fight all the time about it. I know *hugs*
Get that you time. You need every minute of it so you can be as super as you are when you are with the kids. *hugs*
thinking of you.
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