having a melt down

Please excuse the fact that this is a cut and paste from a board that I post on.

I am just so overwhelmed I don't know where to begin. The babies are not napping/sleeping well at all these days. So I am exhausted on top of everything else. We have their birthday party next weekend and my sister's wedding in Kentucky the weekend after. We have major financial issues but dh will be starting a new job after the wedding so once he finally gets paid it will take a few months to play catch up so to speak with everything. Eventually that will all be ok. The babies are 99% my responsibility. He is always "working"I say it like that because he does freelance work at home and I am SURE he is not working every second he is in his office. It is fine for at night while they are sleeping or suppose to be sleeping but he is like that on the weekends too. The only time he watches them either on the monitor or really with them is when I am showering or have an errand to run in the evening after he gets home late from work, or Sunday morning when I go food shopping and once in a while other occasional errands on the weekends. Anyway, he will never understand that I cannot do it all. I pay the bills, make all the calls, take them to all their appts (they are preemies) and pt, do all the shopping and laundry. And I do the little bit of cleaning and cooking that gets done. AND I have started doing some phone work for my uncle at home that was suppose to be while they are sleeping but during the time I can do it, they are never both alseep. And I cannot do it past 8:30pm. And I don't feel comfortable to turn down the sound on the monitor while they are awake. I just don't. It is not like it is a ton of money either. If can squeeze in an hour everyday it is not like it is alot of money, like $200-$250 a month. But my uncle calls me alot for a second here or there, it has been a long time since my cousin was a baby so he like most men, has no idea and no clue and I don't really get paid for that time. Some one complained to him that they heard kids in the background when I was on the phone, that was because they woke up when I was on the phone. I could not predict that. I told dh this and that I can't do it anymore and he is giving me a hard time. I know we need the money but I need my sanity too. I am on a diet but today I have eaten everything I can get my hands on. I am just so upset. I know this post is all over the place from one thought to the next with no real structure, sorry about that. Oh and also I have some medical issues going on and I can't even get to the doctor. I won't bring my preemies around sick people. And dh tells me everytime I complain as he calls it, that he cannot take off of work . I am just at my wits end. I love my babies so much I am just not happy today at all. And I don't know what to do. There are so many things, they don't sleep well, they fight me on eating, etc. And it is my responsibility to figure it all out, dh's only opinion was to put them to bed later like 8 o'clock. Which is way too late in my opinion. Anyway, I guess I should end this now otherwise I could go on for days or at least another 30 minutes when they normally wake up from their nap before the problems began and I guess I would call it quits if they don't sleep by them. Ok, bye.