remembering my dad

Tomorrow will be 22 years since he has passed away. Wow, that is a really long time. February 1, 1986 was the day the world changed for me and my family. Every year this day is hard for me but I think it is even harder for me now because I am a mom. Last year things were still too new with the kids and we were not getting enough sleep for me to really dwell on it. Now that things are calmer and I can give the day my usual thoughts and recognition, it is a really hard day for me. I hope that my dad is proud of me and the decisions and choices I have made in my life. I hope that he approves of my husband (even though things are not so great with us right now) and I hope that he can see his grandchildren. Yes, I know I am Jewish and to be honest I am not even sure what I believe or am suppose to believe about what happens when someone dies. But I do believe that my dad is watching over me and guiding me (along with God, yes I do believe in God). So many times in my life there have been many close calls, but he has never let the worst case scenario happen. Weather or not it was really him, I may never know, but I believe it was. When I graduated college and there was no money for me to get a car so I could get to work everyday and then it worked out unexpectedly, he made it happen. When dh and I were deciding weather or not we wanted to continue our relationship and eventually get engaged and married (we could not come to an agreement regarding religion), and broke up for a while, he guided me through that. He's got my lost unborn child with him and together they made sure my children got every possible chance at life and pulled through a very difficult pregnancy and premature birth. These are just a few examples, but I know there have been other instances too. I sometimes wonder what my life would be like if he were still here. Would I have traveled down the same path in life? I don't remember alot about my dad, but I do remember that he was a good person and always made sure my sister and I knew he loved us. I watch the babies sleeping on the monitor now and wish they would have had the chance to know their grandfather that Justin is named after. I miss you daddy.