one big thing that really annoys me

I have read something recently that was written by someone who I thought was a friend on their blog and have been trying to figure out what to do about it. That person judged me and hurt me so badly. I was so surprised to read what she wrote. Oh and to that person, if your statement was not meant for me and reading this post upsets you, oh well, GET OVER IT.

The sad and funny thing is, we have a lot in common. She was helpful to me given she has multiples as well that are a little older than mine. Too bad I won't be using her as a resource anymore. One big thing we have in common is feeling that ignorance is not bliss. If you don't understand something ask, and don't make comments on things like you are all knowing when in actuality you have no clue!!! When in actuality, this is EXACTLY what she did. Ironic huh?

This person and I had a conversation a few weeks ago about just what we were doing that weekend or whatever and she said they were all(her, dh, the kids) going food shopping that Saturday (or Sunday I don't remember). And I said, oh I gotta do that too but I go alone. I like to go alone, I can concentrate better and that the kids are preemies so we have to be careful of germs so we don't take them to malls or crowded stores on the weekends. We spoke about that issue for a minute or two and then moved on, no biggie.

But I guess it really annoyed her because it made her top 5 list of things that annoy her. She claims I use them as a crutch not to do things. And that saying they are preemies for reasons why we don't do things is getting old. Well guess what, they are PREEMIES and are still considered that by ALL of their health care providers. So if it is old and annoying, she shouldn't listen. And for the record, she does things that annoy me as well but it is not my place or my business to comment on how she parents her children and as long as they are happy, healthy and cared for, does it really matter what I think? NOOOOO, just as IT DOESN'T MATTER ONE IOTA what she thinks. But since I feel forced to defend myself, here goes.

#1 I do not owe ANYONE an explanation especially not her, of what we do with our children. She is obviously not a friend, so as a concerned citizen, my kids are happy, loved and well taken care of, that is all you need to know, so don't ever judge me again and mind your own business.

#2 Yes, they are healthy as she stated, thank god, BUT they were born 10 weeks early and did not get the immunities during the last 6 weeks of pregnancy that full term babies get. That is why all of our doctors told us we need to be careful for years. A little cold for a full term child, can be very dangerous for a preemie, EVEN ONE THAT IS 15 MONTHS OLD. If you don't believe me, Google RSV, or ask your pedi, or call a top notch NICU. And if it is not a health risk, why does Justin get Synagis shots every month of cold and flu season? If you don't know what that is, it is a shot given to PREEMIES that are at high risk for RSV. Normally it is only given the first cold and flu season, but he was at such risk, he is getting again this time. Our kids have only been sick a handful of times which I honestly think is because we have kept them away from germs. The times they have gotten sick have either been after a well visit at the pedi or from the occasional play date. They have been sick all week, and we had a play date with 4 other kids a week and a half ago, you do the math. We are told to be careful for years. They are considered preemies developmentally until 2 (and we are not even there yet) and even longer for health risks.

#3 We do things with them, maybe not as much as she thinks we should but we do. It is hard because they have physical therapy 3x a week because they had severe torticollis which delayed their development a great deal when they were younger. Next week the schedule is finally changing after all these months, to 2x a week and will go down to one in the next few months. But in anycayse, they had that 3x a week. And then once a month to the pedi for Justin's Synagis. Through November once a month to the GI specialist for poor eating and acid reflux. And once a month to the chiropractor again for the torticollis. And once a month to the helmet place (they wear helmets (well Ellie is finally done with hers) due to flatness of the head from the NICU and the torticollis they have because they are PREEMIES) And then a handful of other doctors (eye doctor, cardiologist, neurologist,) like once every six months or so. The things add up. You try working around all that, naps, baths and meals and tell me how much you can go out and do. And as far as all those doctors go, they are for real issues the kids have because they are PREEMIES and most of them we have been seeing since birth and this is when they tell us to go, I didn't make it up. So we do take them to see family and on occasion friends but that's it for now. It is not worth the health risk. And sometimes they have so much going on during the week, and we are exhausted and we just want to relax and play with them at home. Like I said, they are happy, healthy and loved, SO WHATS IT TO YOU? (I might as well talk directly to her at this point)

Being that you are a full term mom, here are some things you will fortunately never know:

being told at what ended up being a day before birth that your child has a brain bleed and could have brain damage, have cp, could be normal, etc., that it would not be known until well after birth.

being told at 30 weeks that if you don't have your babies now, their lives are at risk

having babies that weight 2 lbs 9oz and 2 lbs 13oz

wondering if your babies are going to survive at all after birth

not being able to see your children until the morning after they were born

being told you can't go in the NICU to see your babies 2 days after their birth because they had an emergency in there which was that someone else's preemie didn't make it

watching your children in incubators hooked up to all kinds of wires and tubes and wondering what each beep of the monitor meant and being told when you could hold them

spending 7 weeks in the NICU with them, praying the bradys (when they forget to breathe BECAUSE THEY ARE PREEMIES) would stop soon

finding out that your son has a type of heart murmur that is BECAUSE HE IS A PREEMIE

holding your 5 pound 2 month old son in his hospital room after hernia surgery (that he had BECAUSE HE IS A PREEMIE) and watching him turn blue in your arms because he is reacting badly to the anesthesia and forgot to breathe

taking your little infants out in the cold weather for MRIs and catscans so they can continue to monitor their brains to make sure they don't need surgery (they thought that Justin might have had an issue but he didn't)

taking them to all these specialist that I mentioned and being there forever most of the time alone with two little infants (BECAUSE THEY ARE PREEMIES)

finding out that your daughter's brain bleed is no more, BUT that there will always be a certain type of irregularity (BECAUSE SHE IS A PREEMIE) that may or may not cause a problem down the road

having to hold your son while he sleeps all night for months and if he lets you, eventually putting him in a bouncy seat so he can sleep upright because he can't breathe when lays down (ANOTHER PREEMIE ISSUE)

putting helmets on your kids heads so that they can be shaped properly and having people look at them like they are freaks so that they won't be picked on when they are older and can look as perfect as possible (ANOTHER PREEMIE ISSUE) and have every opportunity life has to offer (people are mean to people that look different, sadly that is the way our world is)


The list goes on, they.... we all have been through so much and now this is making me think of each thing over again and has me in tears. I am so grateful that they are here with us, happy and healthy. But even more important, after going through so much and they have their whole lives to go out and do things, why would we want to risk their health just because it is a boring day for me or dh. They are not bored, they are content to be at home or with family just playing and walking all around. You know why am I even bothering, you are not even worth the time and effort that it has taken me to write this. I know you are not in a good place right now and I feel really bad for you about that but you hurt me so bad. So right now, even if just for a moment, I hope you feel lower than dirt. That is how you made me feel when I read your post. You made me feel like a bad mother when I KNOW I am not. And I found out you were indeed not my friend and that hurt too. So get off your high horse and next time think about things before you say.... or write them where you know that the person you are attacking will see it.