stop the bleeding

So we went Monday for our first ob appointment. And then on Tuesday I had to leave work at 1 because I had to rush to the doctor because I had a bad red blood episode. And then on Wednesday I had to leave at 4:45 because I had an even worse one. Thank god it has it has been pretty much brown blood since Friday. I know I should just be grateful that I am even pregnant, which I am so much, but this is so nerve wracking. We pray all the time for the babies to be ok and for the bleeding to stop so we can even enjoy this for 5 minutes.

Go back to Tuesday. When this happened, I decided that I had to tell my boss. So I dropped the bomb on her, asked her not to tell anyone and then left. She was really nice about it and happy for me but concerned at the same time. She said she would not tell anyone until I said ok. I mean obviously I will have to tell at some point, but she knew I meant just for now. I guess it went pretty well considering it could have been alot worse. I was just so nervous about that moment. In a way, it was kind of good that I told her like that because it wasn't like I was dwelling on it for weeks. I only had a few moments to be nervous before I actually told her because it all happened so fast. I went to the doctor, had a sonogram and thank god everything was fine. Two growing babies with two strong heartbeats. Then when I spoke to the doctor, it was ok, but once again, not so much in the answer department. It was very frustrating.

So Wednesday, I went back to work and my boss was out at a meeting, which I knew would be the case, so I figured we'd talk on Thursday. But I never made it that far. Same thing happened, except worse than the day before. I was determined to get answers also this time. I knew that I would have a sonogram and everything would be fine but still, I was willing to keep doing what they told me until I got some answers. I got to the doctor's office, signed in, and then used the ladies room. I found that the pad I had just changed an hour before when I left work was completely full and (sorry if tmi) I had passed a giant blood clot. It felt like a full tampon falling out of me. It was so horrible and I was alone that day and scared. So I went to the desk and told them that I know they squeezed me in but I told them what had just happened in the ladies room. I was very upset and very teary. And then, thank goodness for the kindness of strangers, a patient had heard me at the desk and came over to sit with me and see if I was ok. She stayed and talked to me until she got called in. And then when she left, another patient heard what was going on and did the same. Then I got called in. The sono tech was not at all nice like the one from Tuesday. She was a million times worse than the blond bitch from the RE on a bad day. But thank god, once again everything was ok. This time I got to speak to a different doctor. I had met her once before during one of my annual appointments. She was so nice and comforting. I asked about staying home and bed rest and such. She said it would not make a difference physically but mentally it may be better for me. So I stayed home on Thursday and Friday and did not do too much those days or over the weekend. They said I have a subchrionic bleed, I think it is different from what they saw at RE. It is when the sac separates a little from the wall of the uterus and blood clots in that area. It is not something they like to see, but it is common and it could all be fine. Now I am probably at high risk for preterm labor but they don't worry about that yet. I guess they have to see if I even make it to that point. I know this is what they said but I called them on Thursday to ask about which baby it is near and how big it is and such and they could not give me any of the details. I would think they should be able to see this from the sonogram but then again, the tech was such an ass, she didn't write that stuff down in my chart. So for all I know, she (the tech) could have just chalked it up to this because it is the most common reason for the bleeding. Next time I go, our appointment is June 20th, or unless I have to go again before because of more bleeding, I plan to ask all the details about this when I am having the sonogram.

Now tomorrow I am going back to work. I am ok but a little nervous about a few things. That 1) I will have to leave early again. 2) The conversation I need to have with my boss. 3) I probably need to go talk to human resources. They will probably want me to get whatever paperwork I need to have filled out, just incase god-forbid anything happens and I will be out on disability for an extended period of time. And 4) this is the least of my worries but if people at work are talking and figuring things out. Oh well, I will have to be an adult and face all this. It is a wonderful thing, I just wish I could enjoy it a little more. Hopefully soon, I will be able too.