had another scare yesterday

So yesterday around 2-something I was standing by the fax machine at work and (sorry if tmi) I felt the blood and clots coming out of me. So I went to my desk, got my pocketbook (that was stocked with pads) and my Wet Ones and went to the ladies room. I grabbed some papertowels before going into the stall. Thank goodness I already had a pad on because it was entirely soaked through. It was so awful. It was all over me, all over my underwear, on my pants, it was just really gross. I wrapped the 2 big bright red jelly-like clots in the papertowels and cleaned myself up and went back to my desk to get ready to leave. I was also almost having a panic attack because of this, it was the worst experience I think I have ever had. I called D, and told him to get in the car and start driving and that I would call him back. I told my boss what happened and that I had to leave and packed up as quickly as I could and left. When I was in the car, I called the doctors office and when I was explaining to the nurse what happened, I told her that I was already on my way there. And she said, someone told you to come in? And I said, well if you don't see me, I am going to a hospital and I am not close by (I work 45 minutes from there) so I needed to get on my way. And from there on she was really nice and could see I was not crying wolf here. They told me to come in. D didn't make it on time, but thank god for our super, miracle babies. They were fine!!! I saw them both (they grew alot) and heard and saw heartbeats and B was moving all around. I cried the whole time. Then I saw nice, Mr Young Doctor. And he examined me, and it was so embarrassing since I was bleeding so much but I guess it was better that he did it then not. My cervix was closed and everything was fine. He said that even though the blood was bright red to you and me, for medical purposes, it looked old. So that was good to hear. And he also told me that the subchorionic bleed got much smaller. I joked and said, it better have after what came out of me. So now I am getting ready for work and praying that this is all behind us. I just wanted to say what happened. It was so awful and I would not wish that on anyone but I know in the end when I am holding my strong, little babies it will be worth it.

how nice.......

We had a very busy weekend this weekend and needless to say I am exhausted. We had a wedding on Saturday and a christening on Sunday. And let me just say the christenings in D's family are like weddings. Normally on occasions like these I would stress about what to talk about with the other people at the table at the wedding when they are talking about their kids or how to deal with being at an event for a baby, especially when there are alot of other small children there. But for once in a really long time, it was nice to 99% not feel like that. I wasn't sure how it was going to be since the cat is still not out of the bag. At the wedding I am not sure if any of the others at the table had kids but no one talked about it anyway. The only thing that would have bothered me a little was that D's bestfriend (the bride's brother) and his wife are very pregnant and she looked just adorable and everyone was commenting on it. The thing, besides my little ones, that made it not bother me is the fact that they went through infertility too. And yesterday I actually enjoyed the christening and seeing the baby and the other kids. The only thing that would have made it better was if they knew our news. But soon enough that will happen (this coming weekend). We did leave the wedding early and at the end of the christening I was anxious to leave. But it was because I was exhausted and my back was hurting, not because of the pain of infertilty that we had experienced for so long. Don't get me wrong, I will never forget all we have been through and all the pain, as I think it is burned in my brain but it was so nice just to be able to enjoy these events as I used to be able to.

sono pics from 6/20- 10w3d

Ok, here is the pics as promised. I couldn't post them until now because D forgot to bring them to work yesterday. But he remembered today and here they are.

today's ob appointment

Hi all, sorry to worry you guys (S&S). I will try not to do that again. Things have been uneventful lately and we had a busy weekend last weekend so I did not get to post on here or the boards. Anyway, here is the update.

I didn’t eat much this morning because I didn’t want too much of a weight gain on the scale, didn’t do much though, I gained 4 lbs. Oh well, I am chowing down now though. I am like a teenage boy, always hungry and always eating. Anyway, we saw them, they are measuring great and the HBs were really good. The only bad thing was the blood in the uterus got bigger. They don’t seem too concerned and still think the bleeding could stop soon but I suppose it will have to come out before it stops. Oh well. So they are both measuring good (10w0d, 3.3 cm and 10w2d, 3.6cm) and the HBs were good, 163 and 160. And we got to see A moving around. It was so cute. So everything else was good thank god. We talked about the ultra screen test (sono and b/w) that I will be having at my next appt. Not sure if I want it but too late now. And then they want me to think about the AFP (bloodwork) at 16-17 weeks. Those are tests he is recommending since I will be over 35 at birth and since I am having twins, and since I am not having an amnio. They won’t let me go past 38 weeks and I will probably be on bedrest (not sure how modified yet though) by October or November. I won’t get to deliver at the hospital I was hoping to unless they come before 30 weeks, so I am counting on not delivering there. I don’t know much about the other hospital but one woman in my group went there, she liked it there because it was less institutionalized. She used a doula though, I won’t be but I will ask her and my other friend whose dh is a nurse around here and if they have good things to say about it, then I think it will be ok. Otherwise that is pretty much it. I am excited because they are letting us go a few days short of 2 weeks for my next appointment, so it will be on Sat, Jul 1, right at 12w0d. And it will be right before we tell everyone. Well, I will be telling my coworkers the day before but for friends and family, it will be nice for us to have that reassurance.

I will have to post sono pics tomorrow night. D stayed home today and he likes to scan them at work. So I won't have them electronically until tomorrow.

stop the bleeding

So we went Monday for our first ob appointment. And then on Tuesday I had to leave work at 1 because I had to rush to the doctor because I had a bad red blood episode. And then on Wednesday I had to leave at 4:45 because I had an even worse one. Thank god it has it has been pretty much brown blood since Friday. I know I should just be grateful that I am even pregnant, which I am so much, but this is so nerve wracking. We pray all the time for the babies to be ok and for the bleeding to stop so we can even enjoy this for 5 minutes.

Go back to Tuesday. When this happened, I decided that I had to tell my boss. So I dropped the bomb on her, asked her not to tell anyone and then left. She was really nice about it and happy for me but concerned at the same time. She said she would not tell anyone until I said ok. I mean obviously I will have to tell at some point, but she knew I meant just for now. I guess it went pretty well considering it could have been alot worse. I was just so nervous about that moment. In a way, it was kind of good that I told her like that because it wasn't like I was dwelling on it for weeks. I only had a few moments to be nervous before I actually told her because it all happened so fast. I went to the doctor, had a sonogram and thank god everything was fine. Two growing babies with two strong heartbeats. Then when I spoke to the doctor, it was ok, but once again, not so much in the answer department. It was very frustrating.

So Wednesday, I went back to work and my boss was out at a meeting, which I knew would be the case, so I figured we'd talk on Thursday. But I never made it that far. Same thing happened, except worse than the day before. I was determined to get answers also this time. I knew that I would have a sonogram and everything would be fine but still, I was willing to keep doing what they told me until I got some answers. I got to the doctor's office, signed in, and then used the ladies room. I found that the pad I had just changed an hour before when I left work was completely full and (sorry if tmi) I had passed a giant blood clot. It felt like a full tampon falling out of me. It was so horrible and I was alone that day and scared. So I went to the desk and told them that I know they squeezed me in but I told them what had just happened in the ladies room. I was very upset and very teary. And then, thank goodness for the kindness of strangers, a patient had heard me at the desk and came over to sit with me and see if I was ok. She stayed and talked to me until she got called in. And then when she left, another patient heard what was going on and did the same. Then I got called in. The sono tech was not at all nice like the one from Tuesday. She was a million times worse than the blond bitch from the RE on a bad day. But thank god, once again everything was ok. This time I got to speak to a different doctor. I had met her once before during one of my annual appointments. She was so nice and comforting. I asked about staying home and bed rest and such. She said it would not make a difference physically but mentally it may be better for me. So I stayed home on Thursday and Friday and did not do too much those days or over the weekend. They said I have a subchrionic bleed, I think it is different from what they saw at RE. It is when the sac separates a little from the wall of the uterus and blood clots in that area. It is not something they like to see, but it is common and it could all be fine. Now I am probably at high risk for preterm labor but they don't worry about that yet. I guess they have to see if I even make it to that point. I know this is what they said but I called them on Thursday to ask about which baby it is near and how big it is and such and they could not give me any of the details. I would think they should be able to see this from the sonogram but then again, the tech was such an ass, she didn't write that stuff down in my chart. So for all I know, she (the tech) could have just chalked it up to this because it is the most common reason for the bleeding. Next time I go, our appointment is June 20th, or unless I have to go again before because of more bleeding, I plan to ask all the details about this when I am having the sonogram.

Now tomorrow I am going back to work. I am ok but a little nervous about a few things. That 1) I will have to leave early again. 2) The conversation I need to have with my boss. 3) I probably need to go talk to human resources. They will probably want me to get whatever paperwork I need to have filled out, just incase god-forbid anything happens and I will be out on disability for an extended period of time. And 4) this is the least of my worries but if people at work are talking and figuring things out. Oh well, I will have to be an adult and face all this. It is a wonderful thing, I just wish I could enjoy it a little more. Hopefully soon, I will be able too.

1st ob appointment

The appointment was ok. It was a little bit of a disappointment though. It was not the official first prenatal appointment, it was the official pregnancy confirmation appointment, even though I went there armed with proof (my records and sonograms) I guess some people come in and think they are pregnant and they aren't so they do a POAS for them (they didn't for me though). So I went in, she took my bp and weighed me and they asked me my lmp, I told her it but also told her we just did IVF. So then I gave her the records and everything, she gave me my "goody bag" and some papers to read and sign and told me to undress from the waist down. Then the doctor came in talked to us for a minute and then examined me (checked my cervix and uterus size). Then he took my chart and records and I guess reviewed it while I got dressed. He came back and I asked a few questions and told him about my mom's many miscarriages and possible use of DES. He went over some stuff with us, like the surgery I had, the prenatal vitamins and progesterone I am on. And some blood work that I will need and some that are tests that he is recommending. I told him that I would not do an amnio or cvs (he didn't push it either, so I was glad) so he suggested the ultrascreen and the AFP tests, since they are both just bloodwork, I said ok. I asked him about the bleeding and he seemed to think it would probably stop by 12 weeks but could not guarantee. I got the same kind of answer as at the RE. I guess they see it alot. I guess if it happens where it is bad, I will just call otherwise I will try to stick it out. We will be going every 2 weeks to see him and getting sonograms every 2 weeks also (well at least for now on the sonograms is what he said). They are equipped to handle twins and unless they find a problem, I do not have to get sent to a mfm at this point. He also said he would know more when my bloodwork comes back. And that was pretty much it. He walked us out and we made our appointments for the 2 weeks, the 20th. So like I said, it was a little disappointing, I did have some more questions to ask that did not get answered, but supposedly I will get alot more question and answer time at the next appointment. I asked all that was important for me to know now, so I guess that was good. Everything else can wait the 2 weeks. Anyway, it was also very exciting to actually have this appointment, something that seemed like it would never happen. And I am looking forward to seeing my little ones again in 2 weeks.

at the RE one last time

Friday night and Saturday morning I had bad red, period-like blood. It is still red but not as bad. And since we don't go to the ob until tomorrow, it killed me but we had to make one last trip to the RE. This was the worst bleeding yet and it was really scary. Even D was worried and got no sleep, but he didn't tell me that until after the fact. He was a strong, rock for me the whole time. So we got to see the little ones again and everything was fine. They both had a huge growth spurt and the heartbeats are totally fine. And the sono tech told us again that this was common especially with two. And he explained that my uterus is growing fast and things around it like muscles and ligaments and such are tearing and moving out of the way, so that the blood could also be from that. I don't know, when he explained it, it made sense. And we got to see Dr S and again, he was not concerned. I am just really glad to be going to the ob tomorrow. Maybe he can explain some things to us and give me guidelines. I don't want to be calling them everytime I bleed but I don't know what else to do. I want someone to tell me how long to wait, or what should make me call or not call, ya know?

Anyway, D has been great all weekend. He won't let me do much and has pretty much made me stay on the couch all weekend. He did all the laundry yesterday (with some instructions from me) after he had gone to the chiropractor and to the dentist for a filling. And that was all after we came back from the RE and he got no sleep on Friday night. And today, we went food shopping and a quick trip to Costco. I didn't lift anything, I just pointed to what I wanted, and I paid. He did the rest. And he has back and shoulder problems and I know he is in pain but he would not tell me that. And when we got home, I resumed my position on the couch. I pretty much have been spotting and bleeing since for the last week and a half. And finally, just a little while ago, I went to the bathroom and there was no blood. I was very happy. I am hoping it stays that way, but I am not expecting anything or getting my hopes up. I will post another update tomorrow night after the ob appointment.

baby B is A ok!

Thanks so much for the prayers and kind words. It worked, God was listening. Baby B is ok!!! He/she grew and the heart rate went up. Baby A did not grow at the same rate as it was and is now measuring a day behind rather than 2 ahead but that is ok still and within normal range. And the heart rate for Baby A went way up too.

Baby A= 14mm measuring 7w4d, heart rate 160
Baby B= 9mm measuring 6w6d, heart rate 139.

And the blood they saw in my uterus is breaking up. So everything is all good. I am trying to make myself realize that everything will never be perfect so I can't stress out and worry and worry everyone else when it isn't. Can't say it will happen but I am trying. LOL I got released from the RE today also, I didn't think this day would ever come. It is so unbelievable.

Another nice thing that happened to me today is, when I came home I had congratulatory flowers from my in-real-life support group waiting for me. I was very surprised. It was such a nice ending to my day. Here is a picture below. Please excuse the messy kitchen in the background.