please say a prayer for Baby B

Saturday night we were out and when we came home I had some light red spotting again. The next morning and pretty much everytime I have used the progesterone suppositories since then, it has been brown spotting. This time I did not freak out as much and call the RE emergency line since they told us it could happen again. But I did get up early and called them as soon as they were opened. They said to come in. I felt bad because it was a Sunday on a holiday weekend and they told us they were only scheduling people for 8 and 8:15 so I knew it would be a mad rush. But I really just wanted to talk to someone. I did want a sonogram but at the same time I was very nervous about it. So we had our sonogram and by some miracle bitch sono tech was there and she was soooo nice. I have no idea why but whatever it was, I'll take it. Baby A is doing great, it is still measuring 2 days ahead and the heart rate was 133. So that made me feel so good. Baby B's heart rate went up to 120, which also made me feel good but it is still very small. It did not grow at all in size since Friday (2 days) and was now measuring 4 days behind rather than 2. I know it is still possible for it to start to grow again or that even the measurement was off and it could be totally fine because the heart rate was within normal range. But we saw Dr. Sa (who is really nice) that morning too and she talked with us for a while and was honest and basically said it could go either way at this point and that they really don't know. She said that we should know more when we have the next sonogram. Which will be on Wednesday. She also reassured us that baby A was doing great and that even if god forbid we lost baby B that A would be fine. When they were doing my sonogram, they also saw some blood in there which is why I am bleeding. Dr Sa didn't really know why it happened but said I would probably bleed some more or it could just dissipate. But at least now we know the source. I know that either way, we will end up with at least one baby but now that I we have 2, I want both of them, they are both our children. So if you wouldn't mind, please say a prayer for Baby B to grow big and strong in the next few days. We really can use all the prayers we can get here. Thanks and thanks so much for all the support you have all given so far.

and then there were two......

So we had some light bleeding/spotting on Tuesday night after I got home from spending a few nice hours with a good friend of my who just got her bfp (yay for C). Anyway, so I had the bleeding around 10. I freaked out. I thought it was all over, that I was going to lose this baby. So I called the emergency line for the RE office and got to speak to Dr Sa. She mostly works out of the other office but I have met her a few times and she is really nice. So that was comforting to speak to an actual doctor. Of course she told me not to worry and that everything could still be fine and to go in first thing in the morning even though our appointment was not until Friday. So we went in and they took us right away. It was really nice. And the good sono tech was there and they told me that my doctor, Dr S., was the one to come in but he would not be in until much later. And when we got out of the sono, he was there. It was all so wonderful. The best thing was, when we had the sono, everything was fine and we saw 2 SACS and 2 HEARTBEATS. It was so amazing. I was crying like a baby. We could not believe it. Here is the sono pic.



Dr S. told me that I could still keep Friday's appointment if I was still spotting/bleeding and wanted to check things out. The last spotting I had was brown on Thursday morning but we kept the appointment anyway. The same good Sony tech was there so that made us happy. Everything was ok but it took him a minute to find the heartbeat for Baby B. It would not have bothered me that much but he saw it right away 2 days before. But then he found it and we also got to hear both heartbeats, Baby A was 114 bpm and Baby B was 113 bpm. They seemed to think that was fine for where I was at, 6w6d but to me it sounds kind of low. Although bitchface nurse practitioner told us to make sure we didn't tell anyone we were having twins. Hello??? That was not the best thing for her to say to us. D says she was being honest and realistic, I think she could have said something in a nice way and that she is just an asshole. Anyway, my friends, J & D tell me it is fine for this early on and not to worry also. So I am trying not too. And they are measuring ok, so that is good too I guess. Baby A was measuring 2 days ahead and Baby B was measuring 2 days behind but B was also 2 days beind on Wednesday and it still grew 2 days worth by Friday. We go back on Wednesday for another sono and we are suppose to be released from the RE that day too. So we just have to be cautiously optimistic here and pray for the best.

other peoples' blogs

If you have a blog and you are currently reading this, please know that it has been hard for me to keep up with postings on blogs and even message boards during the week and know that I do still care. I know that so many people read and post on my blog and I just feel really bad and wanted to explain. At work they are cracking down on internet usage, it is really annoying. Some sites are totally blocked (such as personal email sites and fertility friend) and some I just get a big warning in the corner of the page (such as fertility family). It is really annoying and I feel like "big brother" is watching your every move. So I am scared to try to do anything online over there anymore. And D and I have been carpooling to work twice a week, and since he works in Queens, it means that I get dropped off at least an hour early and picked up an hour after work ends. And on most nights I am so exhausted when I get home, I have been taking a nap first, then eating dinner, doing dishes, getting our clothes and such ready for the next day, maybe watching some tv, then my ass shot, then bedtime. It does not leave much time for internet usage, which does not make me happy. So anyway, if I have not posted on your blog in a while, please know that I am still thinking about you and I still do care, alot!! I plan to check out blogs and post after this. Hope you are having a great weekend!

first sonogram

We had our first sonogram this morning. It was very exciting. We tried really hard not to let bitch-face sono tech ruin it for us. Even D thought she was a bitch and he doesn't think that about most people. Lucky for us, favorite nice nurse was in there to balance it out. LOL So anyway, we saw one sac!!! They said everything looked good and like what it was supposed to look like. It still does not seem real. I am not exactly sure what is suppose to happen, like if they are suppose to see it right away, take the pic and a bunch of measurements and enter in some info and that's it or if they are suppose to do that and then look around incase there is another one. Well besides telling me to wait when I had a question, she did not look around, so you never know, there could be another one in there. I really don't think there is but like I said, you never know. So our next one is a week from Friday, on May 26th. They told us we could go back in a week but we took the day off from work. So we made our appointment for a more normal time than today's 7am appointment and we will go out for breakfast and spend the day together afterwards. And I am figuring we should definitely see the heartbeat at that point. I just didn't want to go too soon next week and not see it and worry. I just don't know how I will make it for the next 8 working days (the weekend should be ok) until then, today went on forever!!

so we told them

They were very excited. It was very funny because my mom was like oh look how cute and then did like a double take and was like, wait, does this mean??? Mother & father in-law didn't say too much at first but because of my mom they realized what was happening (I think). D was video taping the whole thing, so they all came up to me and hugged me and everything first and then went over to him. D wanted to give his bro his frame after the parents found out, so I agreed. So I said wait, S, we have one for you too, he was like oh am I gonna be a grandma? It was very funny. And them my mom was like, but we have to tell your sister, and I told her don't worry she will be calling at 12, I have it all planned. So it worked out perfectly. And when she opened her frame, she did the same thing as my mom, it was so funny. She was like awww how cute and then was like oh my god, are you pregnant??? I watched the video after the all left and it was so awesome that we got to do this today that it made me cry. I am just so grateful that this wonderful amazing thing is happening to us right now and I thank God every day.

tomorrow is the big day...

Or I should say the first of quite a few big days. We are having my mom and D's parents and brother over for brunch. We are going to tell them our big news. I have bought Grandma, Grandma & Grandpa, Aunt (for my sister) and Uncle frames years ago and now we can finally give them out. D made the insert (posted below) that we put in the frames. I think it came out so cute and it looks good with the coloring for all the frames. I love it! I think they will all be so happy.



I am starting to get really excited to tell them. I mailed one to my sister (she lives out of state) and have it all worked out with her fiance, he is going to give her the package at a certain time that I picked when everyone is here and have her call me and open it while on the phone with me. It will be like she is here, joining in all the excitement. And no, I didn't tell her fiance what it was. LOL he was just really nice and willing to help.

I am a little nervous about telling them before our first sonogram (which is Monday btw) but I feel like it is a special day, and when will we have them all together again and especially with D's brother, he is not around much. And so far, I really feel like everything will be ok. Much better than last time anyway. Our betas were as follows:
5/06- 146
5/08- 249
5/10- 449
5/12- 960
Also, it is getting really hard to not tell my mom. I have been blowing her off all week and acting really busy. We both told our parents that we would find out on Tuesday to throw them off. I feel bad lying but it is for a good cause and once they find out, they won't care.

The other thing that makes me a little nervous is that they all have big mouths. I know this for a fact, when we were going through our infertility, I know they told people that were not told by me (I sent a mass email after the second failed IVF explaining what was going on with us to close family and friends and asked all parties not to discuss with anyone other than who was on the email.) And that just really hurt me that they did not respect my wishes. I know, it has been a long time and this time it will only be 7 more weeks that they will have to wait, hopefully they can do it. I am going to talk to all of them tomorrow, as it is really important to me (D is so good he is going along with what I want on the "telling" issue). I am going to tell them, they can not tell a soul, not D's aunt in Greece, not the cashier at the supermarket, no one. I know they will be happy and excited but they will just have to discuss it with us and amongst themselves for the next 7 weeks.

Well anyway, I will post all the details tomorrow night. At least I will try to, depends on how long they stay. After this, my mom may never leave. LOL

today's numbers

Well today's numbers were good, so they tell me but not good enough for me. I want perfect. LOL My hcg was 249, up 71% from yesterday. Not quite double but still supposedly not a problem. My progesterone is still over 40, so even if my hcg was a problem, since the progesterone is so good, there is not much more they could do for me anyway. I have seen on some websites that over 60% is sufficient in 48 hours. And the RE office told me that it was great and had no problems, but I made them let me make an appointment to go for another on Wednesday. And we have a first sonogram scheduled for Monday. These numbers are way better than last time when I miscarried, it was 20 and then the second beta was 27. So I am trying to think positive and enjoy this while I can. Got to go get ready for my ass shot now. I will try to post more tomorrow.

Holy shit......

The results are in,



It's official,



I'm finally PREGNANT!!!!!

First off, I want to thank all my online friends and friends in real life and those that are both for the support, prayers, kind words, friendship and just putting up with me for the past 3 and a half years. I know we are not out of the woods yet and this is still quite a journey but I would not have gotten to where I am today without you ladies. I think you all know who you are, basically if you are reading my blog, you are probably included. Thank you so much. I am so lucky to have such wonderful people in my life. I wish happiness and success to you all in whatever you do in life.

Ok, now for the deets. LOL I am in shock, I cannot believe it. My HCG was 146. I don't know the progesterone level because the message got screwy like their phone was crapping out or something when she was saying that part. By the time we got home and got the message it was probably time for them to leave for the day and I needed to call for more progesterone in oil and needles. I didn't tell them this morning that I needed that because I didn't want to jinx anything and I was not expecting that at all. And when I called bitch-face nurse practicioner answered the phone and was kind of rushing me so I just asked for what I needed since that was more important. I will call tomorrow for that or just wait until Monday but I am on so much progesterone, I am sure it is fine. So I am trying not to be too excited yet, although I do have perma-grin since I found out, but hopefully I will get good results then and I can be more excited at that point. I am a dork, I even went out and bought hpts so that when I am doubting this and need reassurance, I can poas and see the positive result. Wow, I just can't believe this. It feels like a dream.

mother goose

So for the past month at work, there has been geese nesting. The mother sits on the nest in the grass on the side of the building and the father stands in the parking lot and keeps watch. This morning, when D dropped me off, we saw the mother rotating the eggs. I felt so fortunate to see such a beautiful act of nature, it was just so cute. Here is a pic of Mother Goose that D took yesterday morning. I hope that he will be able to get pictures of the baby geese when they are born, which should be anytime now.

YAY!!!!

I knew this was probably coming but I didn't know when, I got promoted today!!!! Someone 2 levels above me left last month and they promoted someone a level above me to take his position and they finally promoted me today to take her position. There was talk of creating a new position in the department (would still be a promotion for me) and having me take that one but it has not been approved and the need is there to fill this other position. I do not know the monetary details yet, but I will be getting an increase and a bonus. It will not be an hourly position, which means no overtime when we are busy but I won't be nagged to death about my hours (and have to have my time sheet signed each week like a 2 year old) and D and I can carpool to work (he needs to drop me off early and pick me up late) with no problems. AND until this change takes place, I got approved to work on extra projects and get the overtime so that D and I can carpool. Which will be such a huge help. AND I will be moving my desk and be more included in things AND I will have a buffer between me and my boss (someone else who is really nice (but has 3 kids)that I will be reporting to). AND the salaried positions have unlimited sick/personal days. They like you to limit it to 7 (what I have now) but god forbid, if it is needed, it is there. So now they need to hire someone to take my position and I have to train them and the other person getting promoted needs to train me. They expect all of this to be done and have us in our positions by the end of June. So everything seems to be falling into place. Now we just needs that last little piece of the puzzle.

2 week wait

Thanks so much S and Jess for the kind words and support!! My beta is this Saturday, May 6. It seemed like last week went fast since there were other things along the way after the retrieval. Like the fertilization report, the transfer and the embryo-blast report. Now it is just a straight week of waiting and I am back at work, so time is going so slow. This wait is a killer. Sometimes I really feel like this could be it, more so than any other cycle and others I am so afraid to get my hopes up. So Saturday morning I got for the bloodwork then we have to go to a family thing at 10:30. I can't tell anyone, even my mom that we need to get home as soon as we can to get the results off the answering machine because then she/they will want to know right away what it is and if it is positive, I want to try to wait a bit before telling people. So I hope, I really hope that my mom or my cousins or anyone else for that matter are not wanting us to go to their house to hang out after. I really hope to be home by 2 or 3. At least by the time they close incase I want to call them back with any questions about anything either way. I would have them call my cell but I don't want to get the results there well for the same reason if it is positive and if it is negative, I will need to leave right away and I don't want people to see me in the state I am sure I would be in. Oh well, at least today is Tuesday, I thought yesterday would never end.